i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
