Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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