after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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