i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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