and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
