I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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