ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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