He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
