Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
