just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
