Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
