my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
