It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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