put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
soo... how was my night?
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