I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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