dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
