it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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