Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize