I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
