Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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