hotel room ftw
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
