Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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