I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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