On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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