So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You've changed since you got that strap on
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
