Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
