she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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