last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
