hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
