Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
