best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
