did you get engaged???
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
