She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
