I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
