ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
