Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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