i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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