Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
