Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
