She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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