could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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