When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
