fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
