people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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