So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
