It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
