i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
