I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
