Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I will be naked everywhere
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
