Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
