Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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