never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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