i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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