Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
