I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
