I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
