Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
