my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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