I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
