I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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